Why we are so bad at behavioural change and how to get better at it

The triggers

A trigger is any stimulus that reshapes our thoughts and actions, says Marshall Goldsmith, one of corporate America's pre-eminent CEO coaches.

Environment is a potent trigger

Our environment is the most potent triggering mechanism in our lives - and not always for our benefit.

But you are not a puppet of fate

Because environmental factors seem out of our control, we might feel like victims of circumstance, puppets of fate. DON'T ACCEPT THAT.

What causes regret

We want to be somebody , a type of person and we have a big regret when we don't get there.

Regret is the emotion we experience when we assess our present circumstance and reconsider how we got there.

The book's promise

If I do my job properly here and you do your part then two things will happen :

a. You will move closer to becoming the person you want to be and

b. You will have less regret.

You are the key

Meaningful behavioural change is very hard to do.

No one can make us change unless we truly want to change.

The baggage that holds you back

Overconfidence, stubbornness, confusion, resentment, procrastination, that's a lot of heavy baggage to carry on our journey of change.

Blurred boundaries

The environment sometimes lets us compromise between our sense of right and wrong. In the competitive workplace, it can happen to solid citizens.

Feedback can be a trigger for change

Feedback - both the art of giving and taking it - is our first step to become smarter. In some cases the feedback itself is the trigger.

The feedback loop

A feedback loop comprises four stages - evidence, relevance, consequence and action.

Good behaviour is not random

It is logical, it follows a pattern, it is within our control, it is something we can repeat. Good leaders do it.

How to induce good behaviour

Our shortcoming

We are superior planners and inferior doers.

What effective leaders do

The most effective leaders vary their style to suit the situation-that is situational leadership.

Effective leaders do not breathe down their team's neck; they know when to step in, when to give freedom and when to let their team get on with the job with a light touch.

Forecasting

Forecasting involves anticipation, avoidance, adjustment.

What leaders need to learn

"Half the leaders don't need to learn what to do, they need to learn what to stop" -- Peter Drucker

Stopping a bad behaviour you enjoy

It takes enormous self power to stop doing something enjoyable.

The real test is sacrificing something we enjoy doing - like micro managing in the case of leaders. The leader believes it is working for him and doesn't hurt his career, but it will hurt his reputation and the commitment he gets from his team. This is a big derailer for many leaders.

The wheel of change

What it means to create, preserve, eliminate

Creating is innovating, preserving is not losing sight of your core business, eliminating is shutting off loss making things and processes.

A good CEO looks at data dispassionately

In a meeting, everyone in the room has the same set of data points. It is the role of a good CEO to read the data with dispassionate clarity.

Accepting the reality leads to bold solutions

Non-acceptance of data and the situation triggers more bad behaviour.

Accepting is most powerful when we are powerless to make a difference.

When we bluntly challenge ourselves to figure out what to change and what we cannot, we surprise ourselves with the bold simplicity of our answers.

The magic moves

Apologizing is a magic move. Only the hardest of hearts will fail to forgive a person who admits they were wrong.

So is asking for help - it sustains the change process, keeps it moving forward.

Optimism is another magic move.

Fully engaged employees are positive and proactive

Behavioural change demands self discipline and self control

Self discipline is about achieving desirable behaviour, self control is about avoiding undesirable behaviour.

Why you may need a coach

A coach is a good source of mediation, a bridge between the visionary planner and the poor doer in us.

A good coach is like a good high school teacher - teaching, supporting, inspiring and occasionally instilling some healthy paranoia to keep us surging ahead.

Why we resist coaching

A reason we resist coaching is our need for privacy and another reason is we don't know what we need to change.

The mission is to make a difference

"Our mission in life should be to make a positive difference, not to prove how smart we are." - Peter Drucker

The decision maker

Every decision in the world is made by the person who has the power to make that decision. Make peace with that.

If you don't you will be frustrated

Structure is important

We do not get better without structure. Structure is a disciplined way of doing things, like running a meeting, like communicating regularly, and so on.

Imposing structure on our daily schedule helps us be more effective.

If we have enough structure, we don't need to impose discipline.

The energy depleters

Dealing all day with difficult, high-maintenance colleagues is energy depleting.

Trying to convince people to agree with you when they are inclined to oppose you is energy depleting.

Motivated people get things done

Fully motivated people don't need help finding the discipline and structure to get things done. Good enough is not in the vocabulary of truly motivated leaders.

Adding skills brings motivation

Skill and adding to the skill base is the beating heart of high motivation.

We miss the direct connection between low skill and low enthusiasm until someone points it out to us.

Aim high

We also underestimate the quality of our goals. Average goals beget marginal effort, as evidenced in new year resolutions.

A professional shoots for the highest standards, an amateur settles for good enough.

We are professionals at what we do, we are amateurs at what we want to become.

Don't prolong negative behaviour

When we prolong negative behaviour, the kind of behaviour that hurts everyone, we lead a changeless life!